94

Each day of healing brings a new challenge. As I am learning to change the core beliefs I have instilled into me for the last 30 plus years. I come to a place where I am starting to like me a lot more than I had previously. I feel more at peace with each day passing. I still have things I have to let go of but I am getting there.

Its hard to keep focus sometimes especially when your like me oh shiny and there goes my attention. Thankfully I haven't had much issue with it but I have had a few instances where for a moment it was not looking to good.

A few months ago those moments would have turned into episodes and me being Mr Negative. Thankfully the highers have been showing me the triggers and I am learning to handle them more appropriately.

I had some resentment letters I had started a while back that I had to stop as it was backfiring and making me more angry to think of the resentments. I then decided that it was probably best to just release everyone and replace that with gratitude.

I'm still waiting for a decision on my disability. I'm supposed to have a hearing sometime I am just not sure when. I know it could take up to another year and I am so hoping not but if it does it does. I have no control over that.

It does suck though when you look at your life and see the things you nor your body can no longer do. And while its simple to slip into that negative thinking when you see this happening you have to remember the things you still can do.

At the same time I can do things now I could not do back then. So its a trade off. I am so looking forward to being able to start the plan I have for my future. However I have to wait for the right time. I since I have a little bit more healing that needs to be done before I am fully ready.

I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn something new about me and life. Still impatient as hell though so its a bit of a struggle however I feel great about it.

Taking one step at a time and if I fall back a few I'm still a few steps ahead of where I was. I've lost and I have gained its a perfect balance.