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Letting go has never been easy for me. I take things way to personally for my own good and as someone I admire pointed out I grab the wrong conclusions and run full steam ahead :(

I never wanted to hurt anyone. I only wanted to be something more than I was but really didn't know how. I forced my crap on others do to the fact that I have been carrying this load for way to long and have so much pilled on top of it. It became out of my hands.

I'm learning to let those things go that I don't need. Its a slow process and I'm to impatient for my own good. I wish to lighten this burden gracefully, gently and mercifully.

Movement continues even though it appears slow to me at the moment. My heart aches but not for myself. It aches for her the one I caused trouble for with my inability to understand how to control the disease. Anger was never a feeling I meant to leave her with but I guess it wasn't about what I wanted.

I shut her out not even realizing it. I am doing my best to learn from that mistake. I'm very sad right now but its actually a positive sadness. I choose to honor her and allow her to never know pain from me again.

My dear friend may you be blessed three fold. My love for you remains however I realize now I don't need what I so badly wanted in my life right now. I am still figuring out this healing thing and that has to be where my focus is.

I am preparing myself for this new chapter I have begun. I have some amazing plans lined up for me. I am doing this in the hopes that I can stop hurting me so that I can learn to stop hurting others.

I do dedicate this new chapter to Michele who has inspired me and helped me build the confidence I need to do this walk. I again only wish to bring her honor.

I'm ashamed enough of my treatment to her to change it as to never do it to another. Asking the highers to help me gracefully and gently let the anger and resentments go. To release them so they may be replaced with gratitude.

Allow me the ability to actually listen again and just not hear. Help me be.