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Every now and then opportunities present themselves and its up to us to grab them. However its not ok for us to have an expectation. A lesson I am learning the hard way unfortunately.

Regardless of what plans I have for my future and rather they fruition or not the important thing is that I am setting real goals for myself. I am doing what I can to achieve them. Somethings I am limited on but those that I am not can be dealt with now. I am doing that.

I have been praying heavily to the highers lately to help me succeed in being that person I know me to be. I have also been doing my part. I am not asking them to do for me but to help me do for me. They have and I am grateful and thankful to them.

I am allowing myself to heal those old wounds and to not pick at them again. I have a lot of thought challenges to continue to make and will be putting all my efforts into doing just that.

In healing one must want it. I never understood that I needed healing before. I had always found a way to justify my behavior. Even though I truly didn't understand that it was a serious mental illness I somehow managed to lie to myself about the seriousness of it.

The first few months after being properly diagnosed took me through some confirmations of where certain behaviors are coming from however I didn't know how to stop them. I continued them and messed up bad again.

Now however I'm in the healing stage. Learning to allow myself to heal. I'm learning to let go. It's a hard challenge for me but I know I am doing this. Releasing things has helped me set goals and not look behind so much.

I continue with the motto a beautiful soul once shared with me Smile and be positive Not always and easy task for me who has believed in shitty core beliefs about himself most of his life. But the inspiration of it has now become my engine.

I do say the inspiration and not the inspirator. I can not allow anyone to be the engine again. I have to allow myself to grow not based on how I view the treatment of me by others. While I'm so thankful to Michele for the things she has shown me its up to me to display them appropriately.

Now I know I have value and that tied in with my desire to change for and live for me, I choose to keep my focus on the healing of me. Because healing me will allow me to heal others instead of hurt them.