10

I spent last week at the camp. A much needed break. I really allowed myself to get back in touch with my spiritual and natural side. It was nice going back to the basics. Well almost basics I mean we do have and RV wifi and other gagetry :)

We came back home Friday and Saturday morning when I woke up I was drowned in negativity. I didn't understand what was going on. I had a wonderful positive week and things were really looking up. I ended back at the camp Saturday night and it was windy very very windy. I sat out and had a few and enjoyed it anyways lol. I came back home Sunday and we did some more yard work. The place is starting to look nice :)

The break was a good one. It gave me a chance to get some clarity on things in my life and what direction I need to go in those things. Please understand when I say those things I am not talking material things or people. I'm talking about my own emotions and thoughts. Again I'm on a journey to change my thought process from fear to love. The two driving thoughts behind everything we do. I am working on switching the thoughts and its been a job figuring out how.

I am grateful for every opportunity that is presented to me now rather good or bad. I understand that they are guiding me to be that person I desire to be and not the person I am. I fail a lot but that only means I am making the effort. As long as there is movement I can go forward.

I had a very upsetting fathers day. I had a talk with my dad and well it was to say the least very disappointing. My dad is just becoming bitter and angry almost like my mom. Not near as bad mind you no one is as bad as my mom but just seeing it in him disgust me not because of him but because of me. I got a small glimpse of the monster I am when I live in that bitter anger. I've never hated me more.

It would be easy for me to give up at this point and go well look at them I came from them so fuck it there is no hope. But I am choosing not to do that this time. Instead I am going to say fuck you to fuck it. I am not them.

Some interesting things have happened over the last few months and I am feeling very optimistic about me. I continue with this journey and hope you will continue to follow :)