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Removing negative things out of my life was not the only thing I had to do. I had to start learning to be grateful not just say I'm grateful but actually be grateful. Not an easy process when your suffering from loss. Focusing on what you have is a start. I had to take a look around me and realize what I do have. Now I am learning to be very grateful for it and for all the opportunities that are ready to approach me now. I'm starting to be whom I desire to be just not doing. First be then the doing will follow.

Not every moment is a bed of roses and I still have tons of fear to replace. However I constantly keep in mind that my new habits must replace the old ones. I'm no longer worried about what others are going to do or how they are going to respond. I am not here to offend anyone however I'm not going to step on egg shells to avoid doing so.

I now awaken everyday and remind myself how lucky I am and how grateful I am for all that is around me. The people in my life the animals, grass and trees. Some days I fail to do this and those days usually don't go so well. I'm enjoying the process though. I know I am going to be him I desire to be as a result of my journey in this stage. I no longer focus on my doubts driven by fear but focus on my gratitude for what I have and for what I have lost.

I feel the change of thought and emotion happening and I am continually communicating with myself and the father on keeping me this way ;) Not prayer as that's one of the most misunderstood things we do in this life. We pray wrong they don't get answered and we bitch that God doesn't answer prayers. Most typical prayers are not prayers but demands and request. A prayer is simply giving thanks to the father. That's it. Its not meant to be a session where you break out the quarters and wait for him to vend. God already knows what you want. He doesn't need you to tell him and guess what he wants it for you. But because we so live in fear we prevent him from giving them to us then blame him for not vending.

We lack faith not just in the father but in ourselves. You have heard it said many times you cannot love another if you don't love yourself. And that is so true. How can you give to someone something you don't have? Faith is the same way we must have faith in ourselves before we can have faith in another. So we doubt and the root of doubt is fear.

In order to replace the fear from our lives we must find out where are we living in fear at? Unfortunately for my best friend I lived in total fear that I would lose her. I say unfortunately for her because I in fear and anger said things I can never take back. I however don't dwell on that. I choose to remember what she means to me and what she help remind me of about me. While I'll always regret hurting her, I am very grateful for the situation. Had it not happened then would I have still changed my fear based life? My regret is not the situation only that she was hurt. Yes I still have a lot of love in my heart for her and Its not going to go away. I can accept that and be grateful to have that feeling for such a special person. Because now I understand that others choices don't define me. Something that has taken a life time for me to grasp. I'm so thankful I am.

In order to truly change your life you must change the root thought of your thoughts. Chose to live in love and not fear. Chose it everyday every second. Decide to be grateful for every opportunity you have that show you who you are. But most importantly be what you want to be? Don't try to do it just be it the doing will come naturally. Remember the bike just look where you want to be and that is where you will go