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Deciding to be different is a personal decision that you must make and make alone. No one can do it for you. I've spent most of my life living in a path of destruction and its cost me everything more than once. So why did I continue the cycle. My choice. I just didn't realize that is what I was doing until I stopped doing it. Now I'm making a new choice. Yes its that easy and simple. Its opening the line of communication with yourself and with the Father. Its listening when he speaks and speaking when he listens. But its not just mere words. Words are the worst form of communication in fact most of us simply converse instead of communicate. All forms of writing are simply that just conversation to someone. There is no real communication as you don't have all the ingredients there for proper communication. You cannot see the truth in a persons tones or emotions by looking at a screen or a piece of paper. These are things you must see and feel to complete the communication experience. Most of us compensate by adding our own emotions of what we think the others mean by it.

They once asked a man what did he mean by you can count me out in. He told them it was based on the situation. What he was really saying is that yes I may desire to be a certain way but sometimes to become that way we must first be another way. I can see that in my own life now as I am striving to live with love instead of fear. I feared so much that I would lose someone I so much love that it came to pass. Why? because I unfortunately forgot a very simple lesson that was recently reminded to me as I was helping a young girl learn to ride her bike. She kept looking at her feet and not where she wanted to go. When I explained to her all she has to do is look where she wants to go and the body will follow she got it and started riding with out any assistance from then on in. I sat down on the couch after telling her that and it hit me like a ton of bricks on a jackknifed truck. I was so focused on Losing my best friend I did. I focused and lived in fear instead of love. My only hope is one day she see's that she truly helped change me and know that I very much grateful for having her in my life.

Denying ourselves opportunities based on fear only serves to deter us from a more fruitful and meaningful life. Realizing we don't have to live that way is a great freedom. However we still have to make the choice and its a daily, hourly and secondly choice. We must be conscience of who we desire to be and be it.

Start by getting somewhere alone and just really take a look at who you are and how that aligns with who you want to be. We must be willing to look beyond material wants and needs and get down to the root of who you are and how you are living. I was destructive and living in fear. I had to be honest with myself about that and ask myself why? I had to ask myself is this the person I desire to be? Then why am I being them? Real questions that required more than a mere look but an honest intent look. I talked to the father asked him why my life sucked so much and why did I just lose one of the greatest people to ever enter my life. His answer was well just really fucking hard to swallow. He told me it was what I chose to experience. Of course I wanted to say fuck you that is not want I wanted in fact I begged for the opposite. But I had to take an honest look at the answer. Then I had to realize that it was truth. Painful but truth. Because I had chosen to live a self destructive life I destroyed all around me. It was just the natural consequence of my choice and not punishment. I had to focus not on the result but the entire journey of our friendship. What she had taught me about me and who I desire to be. Along with accepting and understanding this truth I knew I had to remove some things out of my life as they were not representing who I desire to be. I still enjoy a lot of these things however they are no longer the sole focus of my life nor do they tell the complete story of who I am.

After all that is what my life is about right writing my story and sharing it with others. Learning and growing from others. Experiencing Life instead of fear. Deciding who I desire to be and changing my mind when I need to. Making the choices that best affect me and who I am and who I'm being. Everything is a process and we live in a want it now world. We've gotten in a hurry to reach the end. Why? The results are not significant only the journey.

When ever we believe what someone else says we short ourselves an opportunity to grow into a teacher. We must be willing to look beyond the pre-built walls that we have grown into and remove them. Its not easy letting go of that which you have been taught to hold so dear but not letting it go keeps you from grasping it.