9

To many times we wish to blame others for our choices. Just recently I read an article about a Pastor who stated All Gays should be killed by Christmas day. I thought to myself what an idiot and bigot. This man has been taught this fear based thinking however, by his parents, teachers, preachers and peers. He firmly believes that its the right thing to do. Which is why its so sad. Jesus taught tolerance and forgiveness. Jesus tried to teach us how to live in love but, as we do, we killed him because we didn't want to let go of our fear. 

Fear creates the selfishness that keeps us focused on the me. I know cause I fucking do it. Yes I admit it and am slowly accepting it. Everyone on of us is capable of it and many of us do it. We allowed the fear thinking we have to dictate to us our lives and the out come of that life. We built our society on this fear based thinking. Now people instead of educating their children to think for themselves are teaching the children we don't have to do anything for ourselves others will do it for us because we are entitled. We created a welfare system that is a hand out instead of a hand up. We breed hatred among ourselves. We are separated into little groups of me. My wants, My desires and My way.

We focus so much on want We want that we forgotten to focus on what we have. We have so many gifts to share with each other and instead we keep them to ourselves fearing we may not get what we deserve. Why do we deserve anything? I ask because deserving is fear based thinking. The only thing we deserve is to live the life that we have been given and to share our experiences with others. We deserve nothing else. We are entitled to nothing else. We not only owe it to ourselves to think for ourselves we owe it to everyone.

We give people food instead of teaching them to get for themselves. We keep this fear based thinking going by allowing them to not have to face the fears of their thinking. We all feel bad for those who are hungry but how much of that is their choice. We don't teach responsibility anymore. We shy away from making people responsible unless we arrest them for some crime. Other than that we accommodate their irresponsibility. 

In facing the truth of my thoughts and understanding they are all built on fear is giving me the opportunity to start looking at the forest instead of the tree's. Something we do all to often. I'm still at a point where I focus on the tree's but I am learning to expand that focus. Learning means educating myself. It means challenging that which I have been taught to think and realigning it with how I choose to think. Not and easy process when your still trying to hold on. 

Its a daily, hourly, minutely and secondly choice. I allow myself to forget that so that I can maintain my hold to my fear. Why because I've lived it for so long its where I am most comfortable. I am choosing to become more and more uncomfortable each day. I have to keep the fight going even when I feel alone and think its just not worth it.

I'm on a journey. My destination is unimportant what is important is that I stay on the journey. I often want to get off the path and throw in the towel because that has always been the easiest route for me to take. I have to read my own words almost daily to keep my focus and when I don't I start going to my old attitude of fear. 

I have allowed myself to be a negative person most of my life. In trying to focus on the positive I find that there is even more negative in me that I truly realized. The amount of fear that I have based my entire life on is so great it is baffling me. As this negativity is taking its sweet time in coming out I'm finding that I am feeling better. Truly better. I am beginning to let go of those things that hold me back I just have to start training myself not to reach back for them. I will get there and yes its going to be a process. 

I know that God is with me and helping me and even shaking his head sometimes but its ok because we both know I can and will do this. I will be the man I am setting myself to be. I thank God for the tools to do so and for the wisdom to use them. 

Its nice that when you start getting real and honest with yourself. You can then become who you desire to be by eliminating those fear based things that are truly holding you back.