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I said something to my therapist Last weekend when I got a bit to tipsy for my own good. I sent her a text saying thats what I get for expecting the hired help to care. Or something very similar along those lines.

It was a cruel thing to say and I do regret sending it to her. It did however get me to thinking about the reality of the situation and honestly I’m not far off. Now don’t get me wrong I know my therapist cares however she is only there because its her job. She is not there because she choose to be.She never even knew I existed so how could she.

Its her job. Something to help keep the child from going hungry. She can only stretch herself so far. Weekends for me seem to be a really hard time for me. Mostly because I am alone and don’t have a connection with anyone who I feel I can completely open up to. I had that but I allowed my disease to destroy it.

So I guess I am getting what I asked for. Oh well doesn’t really matter anyways everyone leaves me at some point. They always have. No body ever made me feel like I was valuable enough to keep with them. Most choose not to on their own accord while only one did not.

I know it really doesn’t matter to anyone out there and I honestly don’t know why I bother writing in here half the time but I guess it helps me in someway.

I am so ready for this pain to stop and the blanket of anger to be cleansed. I’m so hurt it seems all I do is hurt others. I don’t wish to just don’t know how to stop. I guess throwing me in the woods and treating me like an animal has left me inappropriate for society.

Now everyone’s judgment is bearing down on me. Raised wild expected to be tame. And I’m the one who gets persecuted :(