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Took the week off as my body has just been aching. I have been at a very good place lately emotionally. I am feeling that peace I so have been wanting back in my life. So it would figure that my body is going to ache and cause me issues lol.

Oh well such is the price of young stupidity. Did things I knew I probably shouldn't and now the pain is there to remind me. I have received and filled out the paperwork for me to get a dissolution from my ex so that I can continue this trip down freedom lane.

I continue to keep my focus on my healing and I have to say I am so grateful that the highers have been walking with me the whole way. I sat the other day and thought man I have come a long way in a relatively short amount of time. However I still have a ways to go and that's when the thought hit me why am I trying to control my destiny? At first I didn't get what I was thinking but then it dawned on me.

I became focused on how much I feel I have left to change to be the person I desire to be and by doing so I was going to go where my focus was. That would lead to anxiety and then to depression again. It doesn't matter how far I have come or how far I have to go what matters is where I am at now.

I can't change tomorrow for it has not come. I cannot change yesterday for it has already passed. I can only change the now. In order to heal the past I have to do it now and not worry about how much healing has to be done just that its getting done.

When you have spent your life trying to get back a control you feel you lost as a child do to circumstances way beyond your control you tend to feel control is owed to you. I know its not and I can only control one thing, Myself.

I cannot control others or their choices and nor do I wish to anymore. I have allowed that to move away from me as it does not serve me. My mother is an example of why I can no longer try to control the choices of others. While I choose to love her it has to be from a distance and probably with no more contact. I wish her well but cannot allow her to drain me anymore.

Being around an energy vampire just drains so much out of a person. I don't want to have to deal with that kind of drain again. Its literally has taken me years to get to a point where I just had to allow myself to move on.

Now that I am I have no intentions of going back. I just cannot afford it for my own sanity. I've been releasing a lot of things lately and the relaxing feeling I have been getting because of such has me just want to keep going.

Gathering this new peace is allowing me to remove the hatred and anger that was caused by pain. As I heal the wounds the peace settles in deeper and deeper. I have come to acceptance and its not always been a easy thing for me. However at this point in my life there is just no need to not accept things the way they are.

I have hopes, dreams and desires but the only thing that is driving me is my wanting to be better and keeping my focus on staying positive and smiling. Knowing that I will have those things when the time is right and not letting myself try to manipulate an outcome. Better is the unexpected outcome then a determined one.

As each day unfolds itself I gladly am learning to just accept what is. Still letting those things go and keeping my focus on me. Living gratefully instead of hatefully.