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Things have been going well lately and I am so grateful for that fact. I sent Erica the paperwork for our divorce and she signed everything and sent it back. I have started to experience more peace than I have in a very long time. Yet this morning I find myself aggravated.

The lighter that doesn't want to light, the sleep that refuses to happen. The desires I still struggle letting go of. The timing of some recent events. All have me aggravated. I'm not ungrateful for the things that have gone the way they should. Its those things I don't think are going the way I think they should be going.

Its hard to let go of the control and just let life happen. I have some major trust issues not just with people but with life itself. I am doing my very best to continue on this positive tract as I know its the only salvation I truly will have.

Still I have to allow myself to be patient with things and honestly its wearing very thin. I currently have a roommate who I find myself getting very tense every time she comes around. She is a nice enough person and is harmless for the most part. She reminds me of my mom some what needing the world to revolve around her. No matter how much you try to change a subject it always goes back to her.

I just cut my mom off for the same behavior. Honestly though the roommate isn't as bad as my mom thankfully but the behaviors that are there I find are being triggers for me. Its causing me stress where I really don't need it. At home.

Its a martyr syndrome this person has. She does so much for so little, blah blah blah. I sometimes want to build a cross and put it in the back yard so when she starts talking about her crap I can tell her to go ahead and crucify herself and leave the rest of us alone. I get she has had a rough life as well but she really does bully her shit on others. But I guess we all do in our own way.

I'm so much a recluse that I have this outlet here and that's about it. I do have the highers and I have my therapist. Both whom help tremendously. Of course I have gone through a lot of changes and I am pretty exhausted. Put that with the very little sleep I have been getting and yeah it makes since I'm getting more aggravated. I'm not getting any rest.

Still things are happening in a timely manner and I just have to figure out how to allow myself to rest. Ever so grateful to the highers who continue to stand with me, beside me and support me. Thank you who do the same :)