24

We have all experienced the unfortunate feeling of pain. It is something we learn at a very young age to not appreciate. It hurts and we just don't like it. However pain is a necessary evil in this world of growth. 

In actuality pain is nothing more than a growing marker. With out it we can't measure how we are growing. We shut ourselves down in order to avoid feeling any more pain. The primordial instinct of self preservation. What we fail to realize is that opening ourselves to allow others to help us heal our wounds promotes us in our own personal growth. 

Life comes with no assurances and no one can really give you any. We all take a gamble when it comes to matters of the heart, finances and passions. We hope for an outcome like seeing if the dice will land on seven. Its this lifestyle we have learned to live that has kept us in our fear. Drowning out our hope for betterment. 

We tell ourselves we are not good enough or they are to good for me. We pour the ladle of fear over ourselves like we are basking a roast. We make the same choices and expect different results. Sometimes the choices isn't the wrong one sometimes its not the choice just how you act with it. 

Change is painful. It requires that we come out of our turtle shell and allow others to see who we are. It means allowing someone else control over certain functions of our lives. We fear not being in control. We fear someone else having the wheel and taking us where they think we should go. We focus on the result instead of the scenery of the journey. 

My Dad lived his entire life for a result. He now is living the result. Now what? For him in his mind this is it, this is the result of his journey. I think as long as we have breath we are still on the journey and not living for a result. 

Life is going to take me where it decides to take me. I have no control over that. I just have the freewill to make the best choices for me along the way. My desire is to grow into a man who lives with joy and removes the misery out of his life. It is a process and it will take me a lifetime to do so but so what. I'm on a journey and there is beauty out there just waiting to be enjoyed. 

I can choose each moment. Time has no meaning. I'm in no hurry to get to a finish line. I will accept those who choose to join me and I will respect those who do not. Your choices are for you not for me. 

It would be very easy at this point to go back to where I was only just a month ago. Feeling sorry for myself and cussing the Gods for such a shitty life. Not because of anything they had done but because of my own selfish choices that kept me engulfed in my fear. My choice and I cuss them they must really love me. I can only accept responsibility for me and my choices. You have to accept them for your own. We have to stop looking down on those who don't make the same choices we made just because they are not fitting to us. Each has to make their own way and take what applies to them as they go along the way. 

I have some hopes and dreams I believe will be. I am preparing myself to accept those things that I believe I will receive. Does it scare me yes. I'm terrified actually, however I'm choosing to not live in fear and have it dictate my life anymore. Its just a part of growing up.