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Been going through a roller coaster here lately. While things are going well things are not going how I hoped. One instance is when I went to file for my dissolution for my divorce I was informed I would have to appear in court. That isn’t so bad but both of us would have to appear in court for a dissolution. I know Erica doesn’t have the funds to drive all the way down here just to go to court so I had to change the dissolution to a straight out divorce. As a divorce only the plaintiff needs to appear in court.

Its not what I thought a dissolution was. I thought both parties singed the paper work in agreement to dissolve the marriage and the judge justs signs off on it. Well that is not the way it is here. I guess over all its the same difference but I do know the divorce is fifty dollars more and I only had the 250 for the dissolution.

When I was told this I almost lost it in the court house. I could only see the negativity of being stopped in my tracks and feeling like I had thousands of times before. Everytime I try to do the right thing in my life I get kicked in the fucking face.

I felt like throwing my hands up and saying fuck it just take me out back and shoot me I’m tired of your fucking world and don’t want it anymore. Fortunately the highers were whispering to me it will all work out. I know it will however I really wish I didn’t have to keep getting kicked in the face.

Doing my best to stay focused and to stay positive however at the moment I am on a very thin line. I’m so tired of life I truly don’t want to ever do life again. I’m done with it. I’ll do my time and when its over its going to remain that way forever.

Sorry if this one isn’t as uplifting as most have been lately. I’m really struggling to keep that Smile and Stay Positive. I know its all going to work out or it wont not really to concerned either way anymore. I’m tired of wanting better just to get a big fat boot in the face. I truly don’t know if I can handle it anymore.