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Been working on taking care of things I have been needing to do for a while now and some of it just takes time. Some of it I can only do so much then its up to others. While I can only worry about my part I find myself still wanting to control when others do their part.

My trust issues while very warranted are very hindering to me. Then I have the dichotomy that I wish to be more trusting but still can’t trust anyone or anything that is not within my control.

Working toward freedom. I know its one day at a time and I am grateful for that don’t think I could handle anymore than that.

I got very frustrated the other day when I had to call a company to take care of an issue and the automated bitch they have hung up on me twice. I answered the question and it would reply if you can’t speak I will be forced to hang up. I did speak you non human non hearing fucking machine.

Separating us even further giving up more of our freedom to give them more control while they keep us occupied with the notion that we have a good life and are happy. All the while being blind to the fact that we are just slaves to a few assholes who think they own something and we fucking allow it.

Ok rant over :) I needed to get that out. I don’t know it saddens me so to see how we treat the earth and each other over a worthless piece of paper that’s only value is we allow it.

I have a few things on the burner that I am working on and awaiting for. One of those things is court for my divorce. I need to feel that I can truly move on and I can’t at the moment and this is one thing that holds me down. So waiting for it to be behind me.

Still having issues dealing with a roommate who bullies her junk on to one. I know she can’t help the way she is however she wont ever help it if she keeps refusing to see how its affecting those around her. We have tried different techniques to tell her how she takes nothing in to consideration just starts dumping her garbage on us and then repeating it over and over and over. It takes her ten minutes for her to tell you she is going to run to the store.

I mean you have to hear the entire fucking reason why she needs to go. I don’t fucking care just go already and leave me the fuck alone about it. Sad part is she really doesn’t seem to get it and other than really hurting her feelings and just being blunt as shit there is no way for me to express it. I choose not to do the latter as a promise to myself for loosing it with someone I actually do give a fuck about. I am just not sure how much longer I can refrain from such though :(

It’s never easy deciding, doing and sticking with the changes you decided to make to better yourself. Sometimes its just damn right taxing. You don’t know rather to shit or cry. I am surviving by the grace of the highers whom stick with me.

I know everything that is happening right now is to guide and direct me to that better me I am becoming. I just wish it wasn’t so aggravating at times. But got to take the bad with the good.

I may never make it to see what that light is at the end of the tunnel and I don’t care its not about where I am going its about how I am getting there. Slowly and steadily I stay on my path taking things as I can handle them.