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Its been a struggle lately for me to keep some kind of positive outlook. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for that which I have and for those who support me however I am still finding it very hard and difficult to find value in life.

I have several things going in the positive for me however it just doesn't seem to be enough to help me see value in life. I don't know maybe too many years of disappointment have me feeling like that is all I am ever supposed to see.

I still look back and wish I had been taken out years ago. I don't understand why I wasn't. Rather you wish to believe that we are the result of Alien experimentation or you choose to believe that a judgmental Asshole created us doesn't really fucking matter. Either way we are just energy in transformation and I'm the energy that should not be.

I no longer have time for those who don't have time for me. I've stopped chasing bullshit dreams. I realize that I will never be truly happy as long as I live. It has nothing to do with me and it has everything to do with the fact I really don't like it here. I hate life.

I have been forced to be alone my whole life and I don't like it. I in all my years and times on this fucking planet have found no value in life at all. We preach love then run from it every chance we get. We justify the destruction of others in the name of experience.

Jumped, humped and born to suffer. Morrison had it right. That has been life. This hell I feel has jaded me from the supreme bliss of ignorance. I unfortunately have to see the fucking ride through though.

I'm cursed to just deal with it. Oh the ultimate evil thought praying for foreplay. I grasp my divine nature to understand that the split was necessary to keep together the delicate balance.

Sorry I suffer for the ingrates who are to blind to see. To busy buying and selling the reality they think we should create. No more can I endure the illusion. I may not like it but the truth of it will be shown so you can see the ugliness it holds.

Its liberating to know that all that you touch and all that you see will also cease to be. Everything is temporary including the universe in which we call home. It to like all other living organisms is dying and will ultimately die and those of us still in it will die with her.

For she is the ultimate creator and as the song says: when the life giver dies all around is laid waste. And in my last hour I'm a slave to the power of death. From one hellish death to another.

Do I have a point or is this just the ramblings of a madman? Careful you just judged me. Just remember this important lesson in life and that is this as long as you believe it to be real it is. So don't stop believing huh?

Where goes the warm blood that escaped the cold dead heart that now lies with in me. When did the flame of love become a torch of rage? Why are you running away?

Sadness breaths the only small breath of clarity. My Angels are crying for me, their love is real. Sorry I don't understand those who misunderstood. Emptiness has devoured the lonely.