29

Life has its ups and downs and we get caught in a tangled mess. Some of us are good at figuring things out and can move forward with little effort at all while others of us crack under the pressure. 

I do the best I can do and I always try to be as honest and real as I can. Why because that is who I am. Yes I say things and do things that I later regret but if I didn't how would I learn. I make a lot of mistakes. I react before I think and it comes back to bite me in the ass.

When I grew up and was in Youth Estates we were taught to get our our feelings however we need to. What we were not taught was an appropriate way to do so. I mean we were in the woods so cussing and bitching to get out our bundle of emotions was perfectly acceptable. Now I get judged for it.

I do realize I have a lot of changes to make in my life and I am doing everything the best way I know how to make these changes but its all trial and error. I've always been a loner I have had less than 10 actual relationships in my life and don't always know the best way to handle situations.

I speak my mind and it seems most of the time its inappropriate or at the very least I'm just very misunderstood. Kind of reminds me of the old song Please don't let me be misunderstood. 

As I have stated numerous times this is a journey and I am going through it the best I can. I have only a couple of people who even care enough to help guide me when I'm wrong and I have a ton of people who judge me when I'm wrong.

I'm trying not to be judgmental back but it is hard when you have been so hurt. I don't even know why I allow it to bother me so much but I guess the conditioning that I have gone through has me this way. 

Something I have to keep in mind is I don't understand others pain so I can't judge them for having it and reacting the way they do. We all react the way we feel we need to and if that bothers someone then they need to look deeper inside and find compassion for others. 

I'm sorry I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I've always lived my life just wanting to be accepted. I do the best I can to make myself acceptable but I guess its not good enough for most. 

I'm sorry if I hurt you in the midst of my own pain. I'm just trying to live this life the best I can with little damage to others.