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When ever we try to label things and know where a certain thing fits in our lives we are doing several negative things. First we are so worried about the label we forget about the object. We no longer look at it as a gift but now look at is as something to define. When we do this we are telling the universe we must have control do to the fact we don't trust you. All labels come from judgment. When we are judging we are not loving. 

I've had a few bad weeks lately and the pressure has become to much. I have been focusing on just loving me and allowing others to do as they will but I still can't let go. I can only see the rejection I have yet suffered again which only reaffirms the negative base of my thinking that I have not had enough time to replace. 

We all want what we want and that is just the way life is. Conflict is always bound to happen when we live this attitude. When we deny the chance to share our gifts with others even at a great personal cost we deny ourselves. Then we justify to ourselves to make us feel better about us.

We see yet do not understand. We hear but yet not listen. I'm sick of it. No way is right and no way is wrong. We created right and wrong to measure ourselves according to what we have been taught to think. We kill ourselves over an idea presented in a book. We claim love yet avoid it at all cost.

Someone told me to love me then others will. This is true but here is my question. How are you to love you when you don't even know what it is because you have had no honest example to be guided by? Was it love that put me in foster/Boys homes? Was it love that beat me and called me worthless? If that is what love is you can fucking keep it. 

I know not what is going to happen to me or with me and I don't know that I care anymore. Seems like ever since I have had my first cognitive thought the outside has been trying to shut me down maybe its time I let it.