17

Sometimes life throws you a curve and just totally throws you into something beautiful. That is happening to me right now :) First there was the place that I got upset at for disapproving my post. I had basically written the place off and was ready to throw in the towel when the outreach came. Now things are not perfect but what is perfection anyway but and illusion. The administrator of the forums and myself had and are having a very good conversation and we are looking to make some changes. What, is unclear at this time but its all in the right direction.

The second thing that has happened is I have met, well sorta met someone who has really helped me focus on the positive. She is a very special lady and I'm honored to have the opportunity to get to know her. We have only talked on the phone twice but all together both calls add up to 6 hours. :D yeah I hate talking on the phone but with her its just so easy. Usually after 20 minutes I'm ready to hang up but even 3 hours doesn't seem long enough.

I don't know what direction the spirits are guiding me to but I do feel so positive about it. And while yes my heart still aches for Michele. I do know that everything is going to work out so much better than I could ever imagine. I for the first time in a very very long time have had some faith restored. 

I still have tons of garbage to go through in my mental closet and am still in the process of learning what is myne and what is not. I am starting to really let go of those things that don't belong to me. I know its a process and honestly I'm excited to be going through it. I may have years of heartache and pain to sort through but I am starting to learn how to sort through it with out retaking on the heartache and pain. 

Don't get me wrong there is still plenty of growing I have to do. There is still bitterness and anger over past events that I have to learn to let go of and I'm sure I'm going to face some difficult moments in doing that. However, I really do know its going to be ok. Of course right now I'm floating on cloud 15 and I haven't had any organics to help get me there lol 

Sure I'm going to have some set backs and I understand that they are necessary at times. Sometimes you cant move forward until you do step back. I just have to remember to keep my mind on whats truly important and why I am doing all this. Not an easy task but one I know I will accomplish.

I'm starting to not look so much at my email for a message from Michele. While I would love to have her back in my life I'm beginning to slowly accept that maybe she was only there to help guide me to this point. I still will hope she returns as I still love her however I can't stop moving forward trying to hang on to a hope that may never fruition. I do still very much miss her and I am starting to learn that is ok. I am so thankful for the time we have shared. I'm only sorry she left not truly knowing that. 

I however am focusing on fixing the broke in me. I do have it pretty good and hope to start showing that more. Replacing that fear based thinking and those negative emotions is going to be a challenge but one I know I can accomplish. Thankfully I have people who do care and love me and I care and love them. Now I have to show them how much by becoming the me I should be.

We don't always end up with everything we may want and as I get older I'm understanding why. Sometimes you don't really need what you want. I'm learning to accept that. 

So the journey continues with gladness in my heart. So kick back with me and lets enjoy this ride. I mean hey its only life after all ;)