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I had therapy and a doctors visit this morning. I normally see my therapist on Fridays and see the doctor on a Tuesday morning every few weeks. Since I had to see the doctor this morning and my councilor was unable to meet this Friday we scheduled the appt for today. It was a short session as we knew it would be but it was a good one.

I am going on a different medicine. The celexia just didn't do anything for me so we are going to go with welbutrin but that's more to help assist me in my efforts to quit smoking.

It's a struggle I have been fighting for a little past a year now and just can't seem to over come it without some assistance. Its a strong addiction and I have had the habit a majority of my life. Now its time to move on from it.

I did a major spring cleaning in my room yesterday. Since the weather has been so beautiful out lately it seemed the best time to open windows, move furniture, vacuum, do laundry and freshen the place up a bit with that wonderful spring air.

The most interesting part of today was actually when I woke up. I did not really feel that well. I felt very discouraged with everything. While I never actually figured out why I was feeling that way I did keep my focus on the positive and didn't allow it to grab me and pull me under like I have done so many times in the past.

I'm still working hard on my control issues and allowing things to take their natural course however its been a very tough battle. My desires and wants have no patience and yet its exactly what is required of me at this time for one of the most important opportunities of my life.

While not exactly sure what that is I do know what I pray for and what I have been placing my faith in. I know I will receive that which I most desire I just have to make sure that I am truly ready and not just for my own sake.