50

Been doing a lot of work on changing my perspective of me and that around me. I am learning to become more and more appreciative and grateful. Its not always an easy task and sometimes it almost seems like its just to much. I had been dealing with struggling with having faith again in my life and I have been put to a big test.

When I was growing up I always wondered exactly what is Faith? Well I would ask the religious leaders around me and they would say something like having a deep trust in God. However though the answer was not correct and I went on not really understanding what faith is and what it truly means to have it.

First faith is an action word. It requires an action. Example: I show you a chair and tell you I have faith that the chair can hold me but I don't sit in it I just tell you my belief. Faith says that I know the chair can hold me and I sit in the chair to prove it with out a shadow of doubt.

So in learning what faith is I also learned to understand what belief is. Belief is a though that can be changed. Faith is a knowledge and an action contributing to that knowledge.

I have also been working hard on relearning my vocabulary. Learning how to say things in a way that shows I am living my faith in what I believe to be. Instead of using terms like I want to become to I am. You see the vocabulary there I want to become means that I am not ready for action and just hope it happens. I am says its happening now and I am in process of receiving. So I do an action to prove my faith.

When one decides to change their life they must be willing to be completely honest with themselves about every aspect of themselves. The good, bad and the ugly. Doing this we can truly weed out those parts of our character that do not serve us and expose those things more that do.

Changing your life means accepting that you must make sacrifices in order to do so. What are you willing to give up? What do you hope to gain? For me at the moment I have decided to take a bit more active part in a goal I have for myself which is to quit smoking cigarettes. I have been offered to do hypnosis to help me stop. Its a bit expensive and I am hoping to actually stop before that becomes necessary. However the option is there if its needed. I know I can do this on my own now I must act out that faith.

I still am having some not so good moments but I have been noticing they are becoming less and less. They are not lasting as long and as I remember to tell myself what I am grateful for I start seeing less negative and more positive.

I had to decide to make these changes for myself. Yes I do have a goal and that goal does include my deepest dream however I am not doing this for that. I am doing this because I am and that is my choice. Its not based on a possible result its based on who I desire to be. The character I choose.

I'm not doing it alone. I have the highers with me constantly guiding and providing me with useful wisdom. While me and my councilor haven't gotten in deep yet into my treatment we are working on some things and she seems to have a decent head on her shoulders so that is a blessing ;)

Now to get me out of my own way and allow myself to enjoy the joyful life I am living. Allowing things to take their natural course instead of trying to manipulate the course of events. Learning to let things go that don't serve me in the way I need or desire. It can get down right depressing thinking about all the things I have to put into action to achieve what I view as success.

But doing those things releases the depressed feelings and keeps us growing and moving. Being in tune with the universe.

I still haven't been very active anywhere online lately. Spring is here and I am doing everything I can to be out and enjoy the beautiful weather. I have been more active in real life than internet life and its been a decent trade off. The physical action allows me to remove those things that try to keep me down and harm me.

I have 2 gratitude list going one is for things I am grateful for that come from the outside to within and the second is the things I am grateful for that come from the inside to the outside. Its not always easy keeping things from repeating every week especially when you first get started but keeping true to it forces you to look deeper.

As much as I have suffered in this life and as many bad experiences I have faced I am grateful for them all. Yes all of them the good, bad and the ugly. Those experiences shaped me to be the man I am. They gave me wonderful gifts that I never understood or appreciated until now. Living a life of gratitude has taught me that everything is positive and everything is negative. Its just the view you choose to see. I've seen enough of the negative and have so longed to live for the positive. I am now.

Its a tough road I have taken however it is necessary for the character I have chosen to be.