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I’m still here and I’m still moving forward in life. I had a good session with Melissa yesterday and we talked about how far I have come. We also discussed me dealing with my insecurities. I’m getting better at not being so insecure.

I don’t know when the train is going to take off but I do know that the engine is running. I’ve been keeping myself busy taking care of me. Its not always an easy task and there are still times I just would rather throw in the towel.

Going back is not an option however. So I continue to progress. I have worked hard to get to this point and I will continue to go even further. The highers have worked hard to get me to this point and I am forever grateful. I am doing everything in my power to honor me and I do so hope that will give them honor.

I recently watched the movie Gods not Dead 2. It was a very well written story and the acting was decent enough to keep your interest. I found it interesting that they came up with all this evidence to prove that Jesus had lived as according to the bible.

To me the question isn’t did he exist. The question is what does it matter only a minor few actually get the point of his story. Rather real or not. Christians glorify his death telling you his spilled blood is what saved you. Honestly they believe this.

The death of Jesus did not save anyone. His blood shed was done for the simple act of selfishness. The church of the time didn’t appreciate someone talking about God without them getting there cut. And they especially didn’t appreciate someone who called them out on their bullshit. Oh wait its still pretty much the same.

Jesus saved you from sin by showing you how to live sin free. His Life is what saves not his death. People believe God to be a creator but think he would use death to give salvation. Even when approached by the young man who wanted to join him and Jesus said come and the man said let me bury my father first. And Jesus’s reply was Let the dead take care of their own.

Does this not tell you that God is not interested in the dead but in the living? So if he is interested in the living then why would he have you focus on a salvation from someones death?

But its the biblical God and imperfect being itself. The same book that tells you to not make an image of God has become the very image we were told not to have. The bible was only supposed to introduce you to God. It was never meant to be God. But the church pushed it as a way to control people. Sounds exactly like something a conquering nation would do. And after all the Romans were a conquering nation. What better way to control than through religion.

Why would a God give the commandment Do not kill. And just a few chapters later tell you if this man and that man have sex with each other they should be killed? There are a few other laws that if broken are also to result in being killed. So which is it do we kill or not? Never mind the fact that this is in the book of exodus. When the Jews were exiting Egypt. The Egyptians practiced open sexuality and these Jewish slaves were often raped by their masters. So these men figured that anyone who willingly participated in such acts should be killed. So this makes it mans law and not Gods.

Christians agree that Gods understanding is beyond our understanding and his ways beyond our ways yet they insist that their way is the only way to God. Why would God come to us all the same exact way when we all have a different level of understanding?

God will come to you at your level of understanding. The image you will get from her will be the one you understand. For me its the highers. Its looking beyond what is written and listening to what is being said. Looking at that which is being shown.

Its releasing all notions of who we think God is and allowing God to reveal themselves to you in the manner which is best suited for you. Because its all about the relationship. Not about Laws and Rules and being controlled.

We were given the gift of freewill. This was given because God wanted us to be free thinkers and experience those things we choose. Because we were given freewill I do not believe that God gave us commandments instead he gave us a conscience and its up to us on how we use it.

Prayer is one of the most powerful things we can do however prayer is generally one sided. Its us asking for some miracle or something of that nature. Having a relationship with God means talking with him. It means being prepared to hear the answer in the most of unexpected ways. It means taking off the blinders that have been placed on our eyes and opening them up to the reality of who God is to you.

I know the level of understanding in which I am. I do not know your level nor is it my place. What I do know is that if we allow God to reveal him/herself/themselves to us we will truly see who she is to us. Not to us as a whole but each within their own understanding.

God doesn't just want you to open your heart he wants you to open your mind as well. She wants us to be happy and learn to be content. To be gracious in our movements and efforts. To give love freely without expectation. To respect each other even in our differences.