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Yesterday I put away and retired a dear old friend. No its not as bad as it sounds what really happened is my old cell phone has been dying for a while and I was just recently given a newer phone. My old LG Nexus 5 has been with me for the past few years and while it may just be a piece of technology for most for me it was like and extension of me.

I had a lot of good conversations with that phone and even some not so good ones. However I cannot blame the phone for the conversations only the people involved :)

It was a consistent thing in my life for the time it needed to be and now its time for it to rest and enjoy retirement ;) The new phone is a Motorola Z Force Droid. Its a very nice phone and besides a few minor issues I really like it.

Everything and everyone we come into contact with has a purpose for being there and while that purpose may not always be as obvious as a cell phone you can be assured there is a purpose for it.

I went down to the camp last Friday with Kelly my roommates oldest. My intent was to get down there and get the trailer washed on Friday and when the rest came down Saturday It would be all done. It actually worked out that way but I had to get up Saturday to do it before they arrived. You see it poured on us the whole way down there and damn near the entire night. We got like 2 small breaks where we could unload the truck and I was able to start on the roof of the trailer.

Even though the rain foiled my plans for Friday it was still a great day. I just took advantage of the situation and enjoyed sitting out under the awning and enjoying the falling rain and a great buzz :D Kelly was in the trailer watching movies and playing on her phone. She was happy, I was happy so great day :)

Saturday I did get the trailer washed and I got it done before everyone arrived so that was a good bonus. The rest of the weekend was nice and I just enjoyed the relaxation.

I did have a bad afternoon Monday. Someone did something that I was just hurt about and to top it off I had forgot to take my meds that day so I was already edgy. At the time I couldn’t figure out why it was later I realized I didn’t take my meds.

Even though I felt a bit pissy the rest of the evening it only lasted the rest of the evening and didn’t fall into the next day. Yeah I was and am still a bit upset about it but I let it go. I had to realign my focus and I did. I am proud of me for that. I didn’t let something fester for days and days like I had so many times before.

It was a moment I held in gratitude of my highers who have helped me see the better side of things and to understand things will happen and its only up to me how I receive it and act.

I have built faith from nothing into the gratitude I live today. And while not every circumstance will be received with love and understanding I do have a conscience about it and have been striving towards being at peace with not the circumstance’s but myself. The highers again helped me make another leap forward towards my higher self. Careful Melissa I know what your thinking here :D

Speaking of that higher self lol Time to smoke a bowl or three :D

Live in Love and Light be at peace with you and relax your only changing the world one person at a time ;)  

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I woke up this morning went outside to the garage like I do pretty much every morning. I got to witness the beautiful songs of the birds as they were ushering in the new morning. I sat and thought how blessed am I that I get to witness such amazing beauty.

Just another grateful day :) and while they may not all go according to my plan they do go with my gratitude. My heart is light and filled with joy. I understand the messages from the wise ones who cheerfully share their wisdom with me. I have gained a peace that I have not been able to feel for such a long time. I let anger go.

Anger was not serving me it was destroying me. It was destroying those around me and even destroyed some that mean the world to me. I decided no more could I hold on to this or I would truly loose my last bit of sanity.

It wasn’t easy and it doesn’t mean I never get angry. However now when I get angry I look at why I am angry and deal with it the best I can however it doesn’t last now. Yes I can be angry for a few hours but that’s so much better than the last 40 + years that I carried it.

Since letting go of my anger I have noticed that depression has dropped down as well. I may get depressed but usually for only a few hours not a few weeks. I still have some anxiety issues that I carry and between the medication and the meditation and of course the bong hits ;) I seem to be able to handle it a lot better and even those fits are not lasting as long.

I have other things I want to let go of at the moment but the highers have had me slow it down reminding me that I don’t want quick change I want lasting change. And while things have seemed to go quick to this point in my view I suppose that is the result of letting go of something huge that has been holding me back. I need to take time to process how to live with the changes. I’m doing that and talking to the highers about it all the time.

Just as contentment does not mean satisfaction. Joy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It’s again just being grateful for those things that you have been exposed to. Its a choice. Its deciding to be happy not do to circumstances but because that’s just how I wish to be. I lived in doom and gloom enough and have let that go to expose myself to better things.

Aligning myself within the positive aspects of life has given me a much better perspective of me and who I am. I am a loving caring person. I am mechanically inclined. I have common since. I am intelligent. I am open and honest. I am a giving person. I have a wonderful since of humor. Not to mention how fucking awesomely good looking I am ;) :D

I used to have trouble seeing myself of being of any value and now I’m so thankful to see the true value of who I am. I am forever grateful to Michele who showed me I had value to begin with.

It is weird sometimes to look and see how different I am today compared to a year ago. It almost seems like another person but I do have a personality disorder so hmmmm lol. No I am me and I couldn’t be happier that I have not only been able to learn some humiliating lessons I have been able to shine from them.

I’m heading off to the camp this weekend. Mel and the kids will be going and Mels boyfriend Ryan should be coming as well. So it will be a house full. But at least there are trails and stuff to keep everyone busy :) I look forward to the mornings when they are all asleep and I can just sit out and enjoy nature and some mighty hits ;)

I continue this journey with joy and contentment. I keep walking the path that I am on with a new found excitement. I stay on it with gratitude.

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Last week was definitely an interesting week. I came back home on monday from having a great weekend at the camp on my own :) I got back into my normal routine and the day was good. Tuesday was the greatest day last week as I have finally gotten my divorce final :D)))) The rest of the week was decent. I worked on the blazer on Wednesday and epically failed at fixing it :( however even though I got frustrated it wasn’t a real bad day. The rest of the week picked up and the weekend was good.

I didn’t get back to the camp nor did I get the chance to catch up with Alaina and Bryson however my stomach was at fault there :/ I am feeling better but still have a little stomach issue.

I want to get down to the camp to give the trailer a much needed bath and hope to do so before this weekend even though its looking like that may be the only time I will have to make it down there.

I’m doing good and I’m so grateful for the blessings that have and are constantly being giving to me. No they may not be exactely what I hope for but they are a great comfort and are exactely what I need :)

My finger has almost healed I have only a little dead skin left and its improving daily :) again a wonderful blessing that was given to me that I am so grateful for. I had come to peace knowing that I may loose the tip and so grateful that it turned out so much better than I could have hoped for :)

I’ve been talking with my highers a bit here trying to figure out why I cannot let go of a few things I desire to remove such as the Cigareettes and Soda’s. I have tried letting them both go these past few weeks and its just not happening. The answer I have gotten so far is the time isn’t right. I’m not sure why but I am still waiting for the Government at this point and as anyone thats has been in this position can tell you that is stressfull enough.

The lesson I got from this is yes I may be ready but I also have to be paitent and allow things to again happen as they are supposed to. I’m not letting go because I am still trying to control something that is not myne to control.

So its a slow it down and take it easy message. To much change at once can leave you to drained to continue so take it slow steady and stay on track. Your disease wants it now so don’t feed it.

I continue to allow them to direct me as I know they know best. My higher self is glowing stronger than it ever has and my inner peace has become more at home. I have learned that true contentment isn’t being satisfied its just being grateful for what you do have. I strive for contentment in that aspect. To remain grateful. Understanding that life is a gift to be shared.

I got to watch a nice thunderstorm last night and enjoy a nice rain. Its the first we have had in a while. Lately it seems like the storms all get to our door then they fall apart. The yard is now looking much nicer as the grass seems to be healtier now.

I appreciate being able to have the sight to see the living God around me always active in helping me to continue to push forward and be the man I know I truly am.

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Note: this was written on Saturday June 10 2017 - Posted today

Down at the camp this morning and the weather was just so beautiful. Not to hot not to cold but just right for me :) The birds were singing and nature was revealing its self as she woke up to greet the day.

Last night I burned some sage on the somewhat fire I had and said a prayer to the full moon and my highers and enjoyed a wonderful peaceful relaxing feeling. The feeling has definitely carried on this morning.

I don’t have an internet connection out here at the moment so this will probably be delayed in being published but the feeling is with me and I wish to stick to it and write this out.

My finger is doing much much better. Its still sore and I can only type a few minutes at a time before I have to let it rest but it sure beats hunt and peck lol :)

I had a really good chat with my Dad last night. We talked for a bit and had a great conversation and its nice to see that we both are doing much better in our work :) I’m at least fortunate enough to have one loving caring parent who truly regrets his past but is learning to move beyond it and I’m proud that he is my Dad.

Sitting here this morning and smoking a few good bowls catching a nice buzz and just seeing the beauty and awe that life truly is. The blessings my highers have bestowed upon me my whole life just has me in such a layer of gratitude.

Its strange when you start letting things go and look back and see all the times that your highers were with you even when you were not. Each moment I see from my past now is with gratitude and joy. I personally have survived so much I on my own would not have but because of the awesome love that my highers have for me I did survive it and as bad as things were for me in my world back then I lucked up having them not be worse.

I am so grateful for this new perspective the highers have again graced me with. I pray everyone gets the opportunity to get to know their highers as they will show you such an awesome life if you allow it.

I’m in a much higher place than I can recall ever being in and I do pray for those of you who are struggling with the past issues that you will be able to release those things and live not only in gratitude but in awe of how awesome life truly is. Its not always and easy road and the highers know it took me long enough to learn accept and apply but each step forward I take the closer I become the higher me I choose to be.

The closer I become the higher me the more I wish to share it. I want all of the people to have happier more enjoyable lives. It does my heart good to see people doing so and to me that is the biggest reward I could ever ask for. To be a part of some ones self awakening and seeing the changes from the negative they have been burdened with over to a positive that allows their true selves to radiate.

Seeing those changes in myself is just such an awesome feeling so getting to share that it becomes special and awesome and that is what builds love. Love is something I thought I was incapable and undeserving of having. I lived in that insecure core belief I wasn’t good enough then here not so long ago the question popped in my head: Why The Fuck Not? Why are you not good enough simple you don’t feel like you are so change it and feel like you do and you will.

Yes some of that thinking was inspired by my Therapist and some inspired by the highers but no matter the inspiration it was my deciding to act that changed it all. To let go of those things that were not serving me never will serve me never have served me. To realize that I was living in what I created and I had to be honest to face that and change it. I am changing it every second of every day.

I’m fortunate to have two extremely great ladies in my life. Two different people whom in their own way have helped me keep a hold of this balance I have. One I work with on this and the other on that and its interesting and great feeling to be able to share with them me. My experiences my perspectives my wisdom and my love. And I am so honored to be able to share in theirs.

Again the highers blessed me and I’m so thankful for all these wonderful blessings and I pray that others are being as blessed and grateful for them.