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Written Saturday July 1 2017

Down at the camp this weekend for the 4^th of July celebrations. I came down with the kids. Mel and Ryan came down a bit later. Its been a pleasant feeling weekend as far as the weather goes. I’m here by myself at the moment as everyone had to go to a birthday party for one of the kids cousins. So I ended up with a nice peaceful day to myself. :D

When I woke up this morning I had a talk with the highers and I asked a question and they replied maybe I’m not asking the right question. The question I was asking is why am I having difficulty letting these things go that really are not serving me. I was reminded of the changes I have recently made and told that the change is only a part of the process I still must allow the process to continue.

It hit me like a ton of bricks I’m still trying to control that which isn’t myne to control. I’m not allowing the process to do its job every time I try to control it. There for I can’t let go until I allow the process to complete then those things I still hold on to will slowly start to vanish. It basically boiled down to them telling me to Just Be Patent Asshole :/

Its helped me to see I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety and I am beginning to feel it again. I haven’t broke down to a Kolonopin yet but I feel it may be getting time. I still have a few weeks before I see the Doc again so I need to mention that maybe and increase in the celexia may be in order. :( Really don’t want these meds but sometimes evil is necessary.

I did get a text from my oldest this morning inviting me to come out Monday for a cookout so I am looking forward to going and hanging out with her and the grandson for the day :)

I still am in a much better place than I have been ever. I am still keeping my focus and handling that which comes my way with the best of my ability. While there maybe limitations to that ability I strive to overcome them and be that better me.

I am just so grateful to have highers that have been faithful to me and feel so honored to have that kind of love.

Have a Wonderful Independence day America and for the rest of the world you have and awesome day as well ;)

Light it if you have it and Let Freedom Ring ;)