47

Been spending some time reading up on what exactly BPD is and how it affects one. It has really helped explain a lot of my behavior to me. I could not believe how much I fit the bill of this condition. Unfortunately its a disorder that is very much misdiagnosed as Bi Polar. The two are not the same and treatment can vary.

Having a clearer understanding that my disorder is what has been holding me back and keeping me down gives me new insight on working to overcome. It was a disorder I simply did not understand that cost me the best friend I ever had. Lesson learned. Its hard picking up the pieces and just moving on but its apparently what is warranted.

I started to take the medicine they gave me for it but I started having some not so desirable side affects. I have been down that road before and really I don't want side affects I want actual help. I'm not against medicine but If it leaves me feeling dead then its worthless to me. The whole point of treatment is to be able to come back alive.

I've been on a little down time socially. I haven't been active in the forums or even on Facebook. I don't know just right now have no desire to bother with either. I'm not negative about it however its actually a good thing as it helps me to be more focused on what needs my attention more and that is me.

Change in myself over the past few months has been a difficult road to face and walk. Its still a difficult road however the highers are still with me and still holding my hand. They hug me when I am down and joy with me when I am happy. I am so thankful I at least have them. Still I do miss having that physical contact with someone I feel completely safe with. That one I can tell all to and they understand and not judge. I guess when the time is right :)

Evolution takes time but does happen. I am happening. Slow steady sure I keep going at it. Each day a journey each step a privilege. No may not always feel that way but the truth is the truth no matter how we feel.